I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
