omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
tell me about the eggs
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
