I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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