I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
