walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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