she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
