Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
