i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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