How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
