the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
