Someone shit on the floor
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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