So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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