***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
