More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
