she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
