i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
