My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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