Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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