why do cheetos always look like penises
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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