you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
