Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
