Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
