Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
