Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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