Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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