i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
