I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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