whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
