if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
