I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
