so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
