i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
