wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
