Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
