Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
