Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
