so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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