you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
