i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and she was petting her beer can
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
