If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
