Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
