Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
