Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
