I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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