i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
