The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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