Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
