I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
