I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
