We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
