i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My penis needs a shock collar
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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