uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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