Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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